As I wrote previously, one of Jamie MacWhirter’s triggers is getting stuck behind a slow driver. This is not surprising as he served a tour in Afghanistan as a truck driver with the 1st Service Battalion, and being stuck in traffic could be the difference between life and death. This is a problem for MacWhirter, because it often meant that he arrived home in a bad mood and would snap anybody who crossed paths with him.
I had to get these thoughts out of my head, and sitting in the truck was not going to make them go away. So I go inside and quickly head into my bedroom to get my uniform off and change into something more comfortable. I knew whatever words were going to come out of my mouth right now would be negative ones. I needed a few minutes to myself, away from my family. I wished there was some way I could tell them to leave me alone without saying negative words, a way to let them know I need a minute. (A Soldier Returns, p. 158)
That’s when he came up with the idea of a safety word, something he could say to let people know that he was triggered and needed space to cool off.
I run the idea past Vanessa to see what she thinks, and she feels it’s worth a shot. Trying something as simple as that can’t hurt. So the only question now was what word would we use? It would have to be a word we all hate, but not a dirty word so the children couldn’t use it. I wanted the kids to be able to use this word if they ever felt like I was going too far when I became triggered. I guess you could call it a safety word to help everyone in the house feel safer. What was something we all hated, something that was just one word? Then it came to me, something I never liked, even as a kid I hated it. The new safety word for our house would be turnip. We all hate turnip. So turnip it is. (A Soldier Returns, p. 158-9)
This story came from MacWhirter’s second book, A Soldier Returns: My Battle with PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder). His first book, A Soldier’s Tale: A Newfoundland Soldier in Afghanistan, was based on a journal that he kept while on deployment in 2006. Unlike some soldiers who have a single critical incident, MacWhirter’s PTSD is from being in a high state of alert for months, many close calls, and his growing disgust with atrocities and abuse that he saw among the Afghan people.
…when I started this tour I wanted to help the Afghan people, but now I find myself looking at it a different way. I want the people who do the bad in thie country to pay the price for what they have done. The darkness I could feel growing inside of me, the darkness I had never felt before, was taking over. (A Solder’s Tale, p. 193)
His experiences coming home and dealing with PTSD are covered in three short chapters at the end of the book. His second book focuses specifically on this time and goes into the nooks and crannies of the injury. It also shows his growing comfort with talking about his PTSD, talking about the disorder, and leading a peer support group, PTSD Buddies. Here is an example of the differences in treatment. Shortly after coming home, MacWhirter goes to the grocery store and is triggered. In A Soldier’s Tale, he covers this in less than a page and his description of his first panic attack was:
My heart started to beat faster, my palms became very sweaty as I gripped the handle of the grocery cart tight. I knew that I went up there I would be surrounded by people I didn’t know, and how long I would have to wait there. It just wasn’t worth it, so I left the cart there and walked back out to my truck.
In “A Soldier Returns,” this scene is expanded to cover two pages. In addition to the physical symptoms described above, he developed tunnel vision (likely from hyperventilating) and fainted.
This book is unique because it’s an account of PTSD written by a non-commissioned soldier. As such, it lacks the poetry of John Conrad’s book, the breadth of experience of Fred Doucette’s book, or the sweep of history in Roméo Dallaire’s book. (It’s interesting to note that in all of these cases, books about the deployment were written first, and the book about PTSD came later.) What the book lacks in polish, it makes up for with humour and grit. In addition to the safety word concept described here, there are other tricks and tips for handling PTSD. For MacWhirter, it’s a family affair. Even his kids can tell when he is triggered and guide him through a grounding exercise.